Maxim’s Hardest Of The Hardcore

I was perusing my old collection of Maxim mags when I came across one of many hilarious/wacky features found in their pages. May 2000’s issue had an article called Hardest Of The Hardcore which was a rundown of “the virtues of the most badass people, places, and things this side of hell”. I thought I’d share this treasure with you, but keep in mind that this was published more than 8 years ago.

Hardest Liqour: Everclear Bo Luke and Jesse Duke would be proud: 190-proof grain alcohol, 95 percent pure.

Hardest Travel Destination: South Africa Attacks on visitors are so epidemic in this country that the government runs commercials reminding the populace that for every eight tourist who come, one badly needed job is created. The advertising campaign is a part of the country’s effort to shake off Johannesburg and Cape Town’s well-deserved, ultraviolent reputation. South Africa has the highest incidence of rape (one every 26 seconds) and second largest number of murders in the world (24,875 in 1999). as for tourists, one in 20 was attacked, robbed or carjacked last year.

Coming in a close second is Colombia, which has a higher muder rate (more than 26,000 annually) than South Africa, although far fewer of the victims are foreigners.

Hardest Perversion: Burusera Sex Shops The Germans have their shit videos, the Swedes have their horses, but Japan’s bizarre obsession with underwear takes the perversion cheesecake. Thousands of men visit burusera (“bloomers, sailor”) shops every month to browse through hundreds of snapshots of female high schoolers holding up their skirts. A customer can then purchase a girl’s sailor-style uniform and/or used panties, and sometimes her spit and urine.

Hardest Music: Black Sabbath Dance-music producer Moby had a good  stab at this title with his hit “Thousand”, released as a B-side in 1992. The tune goes from a pleasant house tempo to an insanely machine-gun-like 1,015 beats per minute. Metal heads Judas Priest place second, as two fans who went through the hell of listening to their opus “Stained Class” in 1990 shot themselves. Black Sabbath, however, goes to 11. It was the band of choice for the U.S. Army, which repeatedly blasted Ozzy and Company at an earsplitting decibel to extract General Manuel Noriega from his Panamanian hideout.

More to come…

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