Stupid Mario Brothers

Stupid Mario Brothers

Super Gay Mario Brothers

Why in heck is Mario so beloved by video game geeks?! I don’t get it. He isn’t exactly leading man material with his huge schnoz and beer-belly (it could be a pasta-belly). He has spent most of his life trying to rescue an unattractive, 80’s era big-haired, princess who can never seem to stay put in one castle. I guess if your only companions in the world are a dim-witted copycat brother, a midget with a mushroom-design turban, and an odd, green dinosaur, then I’d start eating mushrooms and chasing pathetic skirts too.

I’ve also wondered why in his 20+ years of existence has he never changed clothes? Yeah I know about the white, flower-powered, fireball-spitting version but that’s just a damn pallette swap. Even the most famous comic book characters like Batman & Superman have had costume changes so isn’t it time Jumpman got some fashion advice too? Then again if a make-over and re-imagining means the live-action, Bob Hoskins movie version, then maybe red overalls aren’t out of style yet.

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