Street Fighter WTF?!

I’m talking about Street Fighter II and the Championship Edition so don’t get your panties in a knot. OK, so why do they call it Street Fighter anyway? Is it just a bunch of vagrants duking it out in the streets? Wasn’t there a TV show called Bum-Fights a few years ago that followed the same formula? Anyhow, sure, each fighter in the game has their own agendas but if say, Guile really had to kill Bison for murdering his friend Charlie (who I’m sure he had a sexual relationship with), why does he have to fight Dhalsim too, for example? What’s he got against the poor little Indian who just wants to Yoga Fire this and Yoga Flame that. Leave the poor man alone, he looks like he hasn’t eaten in weeks!

Speaking of Yoga Fires, talk about unfair odds. Ryu, Ken, Guile, Dhalsim, and Sagat all have projectile attacks. If I were in a fight for my life and I had an ability to shoot fiery, burning orbs of energy from my body, I’d be going “TigerTigerTigerTigerTigerTigerTiger!” all day.

And what about the ludicrous bonus stages?

Alright, mighty Street Fighter. If you manage to destroy this car, that for some reason is parked on this dock, with your bare hands within the given time limit, you win POINTS!!!
These wooden barrels, which for some unknown explanation travel via conveyor belt onto a mini trampoline, need to be neatly stacked in this warehouse. But since our laborers are on strike, you, stupendous Street Fighter are tasked with trashing the barrels instead before time runs out. Do this within the time limit and you win POINTS!!!
These large metal barrels full of oil have been set on fire and arranged in a most precarious manner. If you, brave Street Fighter, kick the shit out of them and avoid getting 3rd degree burns before the timer runs out, you win POINTS!!!

Street Fighter?! Jeez! Seems more like Street Cleaner to me!

Disclaimer: I am actually a big Street Fighter fan


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